August & Everything After

Posted on

Oh, hey there.

It’s really good to see you.

Sorry it’s been a while since we’ve last hung out.  But, you know, it happens.

Everyone gets busy, and most of us have to unplug occasionally.  To check out from time-to-time and reset…

…and for the scary New Post button on your blog to become less cumbersome that it has been over the last 5 months.

FIVE MONTHS.

Over the last 5 months, my Life has filled-up with everything.  Overloaded with an abundance of good news (my sister, her husband and baby boy are moving home from the UK in July), exciting things (we bought a house…. AAAAAA!), nerve-wracking moments (…um, buying a HOUSE) and devastating heartache (saying goodbye to our beloved family dog of 14 years).

Of course, the first, and probably the most important thing, was the much anticipated arrival of our son, Li’l Bubs (formerly known as Pelé).  He roared into our lives in the early morning of September 17th, and has completed our family in the most amazing way.

I knew I had a small handful of people eagerly awaiting his birth, almost as much as me.  But as soon as we got home from the hospital something kind of shifted, I guess.  I decided that this time, these immediate moments that were directly in front of me, one after the other, happening at lightening speed yet slow as molasses, needed to be savoured.  I wanted to protect them and coddle them and hold them lovingly in my arms – from Bee meeting Bubs for the first time, to the first diaper change, the first (of many) sleepless nights, adjusting to a new body taking up space in our bed and home… all of these things, I decided needed to be just for me.  Just for us.  Our family.

I didn’t unplug completely, mind you.  I popped up on Instagram and the Facebook now and again.

But I did make a conscious decision to step away from the blog for a while.

And now?  Here I am.

*****

Full disclosure:  I’ve been working on this post for a few days now, writing and re-writing everything.  Thinking, “maybe it’s too flowery.”  “Should I elaborate on this?”  “Perhaps a bit about the birth?”  “Is anyone going to care about that??”  “WHY IS THIS SO HARD?!”   So I apologize if it feels a bit all over the map.

I had such a nice little rhythm going with this blog all those months ago.  I was having so much fun with it.  But then, over the last 5 months, the notion of “getting back to it” weighed on my mind – I found it starting to feel like a chore I had to get done.  Just the thought of having to sit down and plunk out my thoughts, when it was just so much easier to nurse Bubs on the couch while watching Vanderpump Rules The Bachelor Canada The Great Interior Design Challenge reading.  I had a million-and-one excuses to leave it be.

Now, though.  I don’t know exactly why I chose today of all the days, to clean it up and hit publish.  To dust it off and send it back out into the world.

There’s nothing particularly special or different about today.  The kitchen is a pig-hole mess from hell, there’s a mountain of laundry to do, there are boxes everywhere because, even though we bought the house, we have yet to move.

Maybe it’s because of Bubs.  Day in and day out, he is proving to be the sweetest, most jovial, dimply baby, excited to be a part of it all.  He has a shock of fuzzy blonde fluff on his cradle-capped head (which was a shock because Bee was born with a mass of BLACKBLACKBLACK hair), chubby thighs and the happiest demeanour I could ask for.  Maybe today because he’s growing faster than I can handle. Maybe today because I’m finally ready to shout out to the world that he’s here, he’s wonderful, look at him go.  To start recording all the awesomeness, as I tried to do with Bee.

Or maybe… no.  Okay.  Not maybe.

I think, actually, it is because of Bee.

Excuse me while I sob for a minute.

Bee.  My Bee.

Our wonderful, intelligent, caring, sensitive, outgoing, introverted, thoughtful, excitable, wondrous, curious, imaginative, inquisitive bundle of everything that is good and Holy in this crazy, scary, amazing world.  She is 2 years and 3 months old, but when I look at her, I see the big girl/young woman/lady she is to become.

And she is perfect.

In every which way.

She loves her brother with such… fury.  If that makes sense.  She squeals with glee when he wakes up in the morning, “HI, my little monkey!”  She bounces and crouches and reaches for him whenever he’s around.  She consoles him when he cries, “It’s okay, my little monkey!  It’s okay!  I’m here!  Your big sister!  You so BWAVE!”  And I can see in her big, twinkling eyes when she smiles at him that she is secretly counting the days until he is big enough to play with her.   He’s already smiling at her silly faces, as is everyone else.

Because, she is silly.  And sneaky.  And temperamental.  And loving.  And so smart.  And oh, so, so beautiful.

And my heart fills up with so much pridelovehappinessworrydoubtexcitement when I look at her or even think about her that I feel like it’s going to explode all over the walls.

Which, would be bad.  Because, this place is a rental.  So….

ANYWAY.

I could wax on for a thousand more words about how amazing my kids are.  About how they have changed me for the better.  But I don’t want to be THAT parent.

But I do want to start writing again.  I do want to start blogging again, to get back to sharing my stories, and maybe even shooting off a vlog or two.  The wheels are turning, the routine is slowly falling into place, despite being perilously close to falling off the tracks in the shadow of this big, crazy move (which happens in a WEEK, by the way).

So I’ve dusted it off, shined it up, given it a new look to boot.  I’ve re-plugged, if that’s even a word.  I’m glad to be back, and I hope you all come along for all the new adventures to come.

And for now, I get back to packing.  Bubs is sleeping, the radio is crooning, and I’m feeling good about just jumping, all over again.

IMG_3477

One thought on “August & Everything After

    Dara said:
    January 14, 2015 at 1:51 pm

    Beth, I totally, totally get it. I could honestly take an entire “mental health year” and not even come up for air except I have this, you know, business and also a general self-preservation instinct that shoots off little red flags when I go more than 1-2 days of mooning around the house, wondering why my world needs to be any bigger than these 4 walls and these 5 people. Just do what feels right. That’s what I’m trying to get comfortable with. We both know how quickly it all flies by. No one ever remembers dishes. Or thinks, “damn, I wish I blogged more during that first year.” xo

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s