FEBRUARY 26, 2014
This week’s post is brought to you by Gingerale and ginger tea… and raw ginger chopped up and chewed on. Because, that’s all I can really stomach these days.
Oh, and Kraft Dinner. And Mr. Noodles. And anything processed/greasy/carby/generally unhealthy for me.
And Vegemite. Oh God, yes. Got 5-year old Vegemite sitting in your pantry (as I do)? If you do I’d love some shmeared on toast, thanks. But only if it’s white toast. None of this multigrain-flaxy-seedy healthy shit, please.
What’s that? You’re a pregnant woman who only eats organic meats and eggs, locally grown, pesticide-free produce, avoids raw sushi, deli meats, caffeine and sips lemon water all day long and don’t have any white bread or Vegemite???
I’ve just read back on my 6 and 8 week pregnancy posts and noticed a common thread: NEGATIVITY. Complain, complain, comPLAIN, Barnes! That’s all you’re doing lately!
Yes, this has been a rough few weeks. Yes, it will probably be hard for yet another few. But… come on. Let’s pull ourselves together a bit, shall we? For the sake of your family’s sanity?? I’ve been such a miserable you-know-what, I’m surprised my husband still indulges my moods. Seriously, if I were him I would have shut my whinging out by now and been hitting the bottle. Hard.
Oh, how I miss that bottle.
And Bee. My darling Bee. All I can do is watch from the couch as she plays, occasionally side-eyeing me to see if I’ve budged, wishing I would magically get up and join her. sigh… I think that’s the hardest of all, not being able to properly engage with her. But I can feel the end is in sight, the end of this yucky phase. I have had a few mornings where I didn’t heave out of bed and full-blast to the bathroom, but more of a light saunter. Like, I know I have time today, magically. I’ve been through this all before and know soon enough I’ll bounce back and be playing with Legos on the floor with her in no time.
Today’s midwife appointment confirmed what I had suspected: my already low blood pressure had dropped even lower. Last week I was stranded in a pharmacy as I sat and waited for my vertigo to dissipate. I don’t remember having the dizziness this early on with Bee, I was well into my third trimester before I got the spins. But the midwife says that it can happen at anytime throughout the pregnancy, especially with low blood pressure.
If I remember the equation correctly, it was: low blood pressure + 7(+) months pregnant + summer heat wave + packed streetcar – any place to sit – suitable curbs for resting on = one unhappy, slightly slanty and hormonally weeping pregnant lady slowly making her way home.
My midwife reassured me that it is a normal thing, the dizziness will come and go and could even disappear completely in the second trimester (PUH-LEEEEEASE!), but I still have to be careful whenever a bout strikes me. I’ve been taking it all lightly until the pharmacy episode, which she told me was the right thing to do: find a place to sit and SIT. If you are affected by these spells you run a real risk of falling, or worse, fainting and falling and hitting your head. Eeeep! So yeah, I’m not going to take this so lightly anymore. Benches are a-plenty in my neighbourhood, I’ll be sure to head straight for one next time I feel light-headed….
…or I could just stay home. On the couch. Or in bed! Decisions, decisions.
Something I’ve started working on… well, something that Bee and I have been working on sporadically over the last week or so: weaning.
For real, this time.
At least, I’m trying to make it real. But guys, weaning a baby whose main source of comfort is to nurse, is super f*cking hard. Emotionally, physically, mentally, universally HARD. And what makes it harder, the longer we go between nursing sessions, the more painful my boobs get. Which always makes the next session even ouchier than the last, if that is even possible because oh my GOD.
She’s never on for long, 2 minutes tops. And it’s always when we get home from daycare, and sometimes first thing in the morning, depending on how grouchy she is when we get up (which has been often lately… teething again?). Bedtime feeds are a distant, beautiful memory somehow. I’m not quite sure how those stopped, Bee has kind of just transitioned from one stage to another seamlessly and on her own time, without us even noticing. Someone asked me recently if I was still nursing her to sleep and I was like, “oh. No, actually. Yeah, not sure how I did that… (head scratch).”
I get the sense that she can sense something’s up with me, that something is… different. I’m hoping the more aware she becomes of my changing body along with the change in the taste of my milk (I’ve heard that happens in the second trimester), that her instincts will tell her it’s time to give up the goods and let Mama’s boobs rest for a while before her brother or sister comes along.
I HOPE, anyway….