FEBRUARY 9, 2014
Reading back through the journal I kept during my pregnancy with Bee, I’m seeing that I’m right on track with this awfulness of extreme exhaustion and these never-ceasing waves of nausea. Urgh.
The ultrasound we had the other week came back… normal, I guess! As normal as it can be for 6 weeks along. I’m still on track for a September 24th due date, that hasn’t changed from my LMP. And it’d 4 days before my Dad’s birthday! Kind of like the ultimate gift!
It was a very cool moment, finally being able to see that little bean, that little blob with it’s fluttering heart on the screen, making it suddenly all so real. “Hello, baby,” I whispered, smiling on the outside, but beaming on the inside. My second child, right there. On the screen. But living so snugly inside of me. How amazing is that.
We’re in Pembroke for Family Day weekend and just told my in-laws about the new addition. They, of course, are thrilled. My parents were, too, when we told them. I bought Bee a shirt that says, “Big Sisters Rule”, and let her toddle around wearing it in front of her grandparents until they caught on.
A rare face-on of The Bee. Don’t mind the avocado smudge on the shirt. She’s a kid. It happens.
I gave my folks about 5 minutes to notice it before realizing they just weren’t going to anytime soon, so I loudly asked, “hey, guys. What do you think of Bee’s new shirt?” Screams and crying and joy all around! My in-laws were a bit quicker out of the gate… well, my mother-in-law was, anyway. She gasped and started tearing up after two seconds, but my father-in-law took one look at the shirt, chuckled and said, “aw, that’s right, Bee. You will always be the Big Sister.” He thought it was just a cute thing for her to wear, reminding everyone that she is always going to be the oldest. “Gary!” my MIL said. He looked at me, paused, then asked “what? You’re pregnant?”
Now I’m in bed. Resting again. Away from the family. Missing out on all the fun they’re having outside because even the thought of getting out of bed exhausts me, even more than I already am. Making a baby is serious business, especially these first few months where you’re building the placenta. That’s where the tiredness comes from, from – oh, you know – making a home to build this new life.
It’s just… so bad. So, so bad. And I hate to complain, I really, really do. I’m not a complainer, by nature. But… this is bad. And I KNOW it’s all “for a good cause”, for the baby…!
But. Dude. It’s really bad.
I’ve heard of these women who aren’t affected by these problems during their first trimesters, I’m friends with a couple of them, in fact. To you ladies: blarg. You are the lucky
sons of bitches ones. And really, I’m just jealous. Because I would have liked for this time to go a bit less grossly.
I’m seriously a mess; I can’t shower, I can’t eat, and I can’t move most of the time. The one thing I thank GOD for right now is that I am out of a job and can hide under the covers and spend as much time as needed curled up on the cold, linoleum floor in front of the toilet.
Here though, in the glorious Ottawa Valley with my family, I’d like to be able to feel that get-up-and-go spirit I’m SO looking forward to in the second trimester, so I can follow the pack to the toboggan hill and slide, slide, slide with Bee through the trees, through the woods….
By the time I’m out of these woods it’ll be too late for tobogganing, but warm and fresh enough to hike, unrestricted from winter wear. Oh, I cannot wait for those days. Please hurry up, time. I’m ready for this stage to be over already….