JANUARY 29, 2014
Hello, porcelain God. Oh, how I have NOT missed you.
People say that it’s a good thing to have morning sickness, that it’s a sign of a healthy pregnancy. Let me tell you: it does NOT feel like a good thing. Not one second of it.
Not one bloody second.
Holding my hair back while hovering over the toilet every morning, yelling at my lovely, concerned-eyed husband to “GO AWAY, DON’T LOOK AT ME!”, I’m reminded of all those times in my early pregnancy with Bee when I’d be riding the elevator to my office, stopping with a heavy jolt on every single floor until it reached 15, praying to GOD I wouldn’t puke all over the person crammed in next to me and juuuuuuust busting out in time to run full hilt to the bathroom, barely making it.
Uuuurghgh. Not. One. Second.
And the kicker? I feel like I may have it worse this time. Though I can’t be sure because, you see, one of the incredible things about pregnancy is that you almost immediately forget all the bad shit that went along with it as soon as you push the baby out. All the discomfort, all the nausea and the heartburn, the backaches, the headaches, the side-sleeping, the no sleeping, the incessant peeing and delightful constipation. The waddling, the dizziness, the electric boobs, the lightening crotch, the Braxton Hicks and then, finally, LABOUR.
You somehow manage to forget. It. All. And that’s biological. Nature’s way of insuring that you eventually do it all over again.
Well guys, here I am. Doing it again.
I think it was around week 14 that I started to feel some relief with Bee. Eight more weeks of this?!
One thing that I haven’t had yet, is The Fear. All you mamas out there – newly pregnant or already with a baby on your hip – you’ll know what I’m talking about. With Bee, every time I went to the bathroom I feared that I’d see blood or something horrible that would mean I was losing the baby. Every cramp or twinge, if it felt weird and foreign, my brain would start saying, “well, this is it. You’re having a miscarriage.” Even though those sensations are totally normal and just part of the whole process. Most of the time, anyway.
I haven’t felt that Fear yet, but it’s still early, and I’m still too focused on not cracking my head on the toilet seat every time I lunge for it.
I’ve just got to keep telling myself, “it’ll pass. It’ll pass. It. Will. Pass.” That’ll be my new mantra for the next few weeks.
We have a dating ultrasound tomorrow, just to check to see if the baby is on track with what my LMP was. According to my calendar, I’d be due on September 24th, so unless there’s a huge discrepancy in the measurements – or something horribly wrong (there’s that fear….) – that date should stay the same.
I’m so ready for this ultrasound, I’m so ready to actually see this wee one. I think I need to see it, to know that it’s okay, in order to give me some sort of strength to get through this trimester.
Meanwhile, I’ve got to figure out a way to reserve my energy so I can still be a good Mama to Bee…. oh, hello bed. What’s u… zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.