A Big Fat Positive Thing: 4 Weeks Pregnant

Posted on Updated on

January 15, 2014

Okay.  Breathe.  Breeeeeeathe, Barnes. 

This is a good thing.

No.  This is a great thing.

You wanted this.  You and hubs discussed it and decided that it was time to add to the family, so you started taking the… ehem… steps, to make it happen.

It’s just… so fast!  The first month!  Done!  Baby!  Sibling!  Pregnancy!  Barfing, bloating, exhaustion, restless legs, sore back, sore boobs, skin tags, bleeding gums, swollen feet, cankles, sleepless nights, peeing seven thousand times a day…

NO BOOZE!  Oh my God.  No booze.

But then, after all that awfulness….

A baby.

A squishy, soft, heaven-scented baby.  Who will probably cry.  And poop on me.  And, if he/she is anything like Bee, will constantly be barfing on me, too.  But that’s nothing.  At all.

Oh my God.  I’m going to have two kids.  TWO KIDS.  ME!

That is, if everything goes smoothly.  If everything “sticks”, as they say on all those TTC* boards.

But now’s not the time to think those thoughts.  Now’s the time for… celebrating?  Freaking out?  How about a little from column A) and a little from column B).

Right now though, I’m mostly feeling column B).  Having recently learned the company I work for is closing it’s doors makes this not exactly the ideal time to bring another baby into the world.  Financially, anyway.  I’m mostly worried about getting a new job before I start showing – I’ve heard that starts happening sooner the second time ’round.  And the way I feel right now, I believe it.  Already with the bloating!  At 4 weeks pregnant!  And this morning I felt the familiar wave of nausea, just a slight lapping against the shoreline, but most definitely there….

A storm’s a-comin’….

I had it bad with Bee.  So bad, I actually lost weight during the first trimester.  I better start praying to whatever deity is in charge of this to PLEASE SPARE ME THIS TIME OH GOD PLEASE SPARE ME.

And the breastfeeding!  I’m still nursing Bee!  Can I still do that?!  Is there anything that can happen to the baby while still breastfeeding my first?!  I’m familiar with pregnancy, I can handle it the second time around.  But this is a foreign situation so strange, I NEVER thought I’d be here!  I think I’ve read something about “tandem nursing” somewhere along the line, but didn’t put any thought into it because I never thought I would need to!

It’s okay.  I’ll figure it out.  I’m sure millions of women around the world are in the exact same position, doing the exact same thing, worrying about the same stuff, imagining the future of the household: the craziness, the messiness, the chorus of voices and cries and laughter.  The hugging, the fighting, the double-bathing and bedtimes.  Brother?  Sister?  Who is this baby going to be for Bee?

Oh my God.  Bee.

Bee is going to be a big sister.  She won’t be the baby anymore.  I just… I can’t even think about that.  Not right now.  Because she still is my baby!  Right now, in this moment.  Sleeping down the hall.  My little baby girl, unknowing of the life that is going to be joining us in a mere, what?  8 months?

Breathe.  Breeeeeeathe.

This is a good thing.  A very good thing….


So I guess this now officially turns the blog into a place for you guys to come for my Pregnancy Countdown.  Obviously you’re reading this in the future (woooooooOOOOOooOo!), since at my age – ehem – I really shouldn’t be making any announcements until I’m past the 12-week mark.

Looking ahead, I guess I’ll try and do updates as often as I can, and maybe once I get into the second trimester I’ll throw a vlog in here and there?  What do you think?  Is that something you’d like to see?  Don’t worry, I’m not planning on showing off my naked belly or anything.  NO ONE wants to get involved with that.  Unless… you do?   I don’t know!   Ask though, and I shall (try and) deliver.

Oh, geez.  This is happening, isn’t it?  I hope you guys stay with me through this – I often find strength in numbers!


14 thoughts on “A Big Fat Positive Thing: 4 Weeks Pregnant

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    Kat Inokai said:
    March 22, 2014 at 1:00 pm


    babybrainorganics said:
    March 22, 2014 at 3:56 pm

    Huge congratulations Mama!! Xo

      mamabethbarnes said:
      March 23, 2014 at 6:21 pm

      Thanks so much, Amy! I can’t wait to feed this one’s brain with BBO, and mine too, come to think of it! Could it be a magical cure for pregnancy brain? Perhaps I’ll have to invent a recipe for Pregnancy Brain Organics Muffins or pancakes or something of the like 😉 xo

    Erin Farquharson said:
    March 22, 2014 at 4:05 pm

    Congrats Beth!!!! Would love to know how the tandem nursing goes for future reference! I wonder how your Little Bee will take to the role of big sister? So happy for you, amazing Mama! Xo

      mamabethbarnes said:
      March 23, 2014 at 6:23 pm

      Thanks, Erin! Yes, if we’re still nursing by the time the baby comes I will definitely let everyone know… that’s a pretty nerve wracking thought, though. Especially since we’re working on weaning now. Oh, geez. I hope it does’t take another 6 months! My boobs…. my poor boobs….! Lol

    floatinginmydinghy said:
    March 23, 2014 at 11:22 am

    Congrats Beth! Not only on Baby #2, but your blog that I love, as well! 🙂 I can definitely relate to what you write about in this post – I don’t know if you know, but I found out unexpectedly that I was “expecting” #2 when I went to my Dr for a bad case of poison ivy…2 days before my #1’s first birthday…Talk about a shocker of epic proportions!!! If #2 had been a girl, we would have named him “Ivy”. Anyway, 8 months later our #2 arrived with #1 only being 20 months old herself. It was definitely overwhelming at times. Pretty much I look back on those first couple of years as a complete blur of poop and nursing and spit up and cries and 2 hour blocks of sleep…but also mostly of gurgles and giggles and first steps and first words and a blossoming love between all of us that leaves me feeling sort of awestruck. And now, here I am almost 7 years later with 2 amazing kids who sleep through the night and go to school during the day, who can use the bathroom on their own and can wash their own hair and dress themselves (although some times with questionable clothing choices) but who are each other’s closest friend and ally and playmate (for the most part). For example, right this second #1 just pushed #2 down on an inflated air bed and then jumped spread eagle on top of him. I’m waiting for the wailing scream, but am pleasantly surprised to hear laughter and a course of “I’m ok!…Let’s do that again!…” Beth – you are going to regard relaxing Sunday’s in a whole different light in about 5 years from now! Best of luck and congratulations to you and your family!

      mamabethbarnes said:
      March 23, 2014 at 6:27 pm

      I didn’t know that, Elizabeth! Wow, that would have been a shock! Your doctor must have been just as surprised! Bee and #2 will be almost exactly 2 years apart, which I think will be a great age gap – I have friends who have kids that are similarly spaced, and they’re the best of friends (with the occasional tantrum/fight/blowout, of course). Bee is obsessed with babies right now, so I’m sure she’ll be thrilled when her sibling comes 🙂 Do you have any recommended reading for us? Like, on how to introduce the older child to the new baby? Although I know it’ll all work out in the long run, I have to admit I am a *touch* worried about the first few weeks! Any advice is appreciated! Oh, and I cannot wait for 5 years from now. To sleep in, to dream… wow….. xo

        floatinginmydinghy said:
        April 7, 2014 at 9:18 pm

        Hmmm… to be honest, I don’t remember what, specifically, I read. I think I read anything that had to do with parenting and babies and being an insane person having 2 kids under 2 years of age! I was scared and I was nervous, but in my gut, I think I did know that I was going to be ok, and really that WE were all going to be ok! I do remember talking a lot with my coworker who was in her late 40s who’s children were teens but were born 15 months apart, my friend Jenn, who was exactly a year ahead of me with two kids less than 2 years apart in age. My network of family and friends definitely helped and was insightful and also gave me living examples of people who had been in the trenches of high-demand-mommydom and had survived it all quite well., I did a lot of online blog reading and searches. I love any thing with witt and humour that keep it real, but also give it some perspective and humanity. I joined babycenter and went to a weekly playgroup for “babies first year” and other parenting groups available at a family center here where I live. All great for meeting people in the same situation which have now blossomed into solid friendships for not only me and the mommy’s and daddy’s, but for our children, as well – albeit, we do live in a small place, so it’s easier to solidify and maintain these relationships. At first, when my #2 got here, it was overwhelming. I remember my daughter in the bath tub on the first night home w/ our #2, nursing him while sitting on the closed toilet seat thinking, “how am I going to do this?”, there were the demands and also some guilt of not being able to give #1 all the attention that she was used to, but really in a way, it’s almost like she got it, you know? She loved her brother from the beginning…she has been a great sister and I think it comes from a) who she is organically and b) communicating and preparing her in all the ways you can. Also spend as much quality time as you can with her. This is a short moment of it just being her and you, so take the time to savour this time with her in ways that are meaningful to you two. I believe you do all this anyway, and ultimately, I have no doubt your daughter will embrace this change – and it will be a change – with all the ups and downs that come with it – there will be good moments and bad moments, and hormonal moments and sleep deprived moments and milk leaking out of what feels like every pore of your body moments…BUT you will soldier through and in a few days, or weeks (for me it was really about week 6 weeks…yes, 6 weeks), I braved it alone and took the kids out – I remember it was a nice day in June, I bought my daughter a hotdog and we went to the park and had an early evening picnic. I was exhausted and it was work, but once I put on the brave face and bit the bullet, it just became our “new normal”. I don’t think after that moment that I really did look back…it really is such a fleeting moment of “Oh My Gosh!” uncertainty, that really within a blink of an eye, you really won’t think about it as being any other way. This is meant to be how it is and you and your growing family are a wonderful addition to this world…but trust me, your life before children will seem like a far away dream in the not too distant future..but the great part is, as I’m heading into life with school aged children, you get to reclaim some of that back in a few short years – only now it’s that much sweeter because you have a new found vision and appreciation for what life really is about.

    floatinginmydinghy said:
    March 23, 2014 at 11:23 am

    This is Elizabeth nee Cunningham -not sure if you could tell by my reply above 🙂

    Anneliese said:
    March 24, 2014 at 2:49 pm


    […] brought a big reveal here on I Am The Mama Mantra: I’m pregnant! It’s been hard keeping you all in the dark and it feels real good to finally get it out […]

    Naomi said:
    April 3, 2014 at 12:02 pm

    Congrats to all three of you, Beth!

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