Not the “good” awake, where you have a sudden burst of energy and feel the need to start the day and are happy and up and at ’em.
Rather, I’ve been awake since 4:30, tossing and turning, and thinking. Worrying.
What about? I really… can’t put a finger on it, which might be the worst part. See, being awake at this hour, I can enjoy some quiet time and savour a cup of coffee or two. And whenever I can do that in peace, is always a good thing.
But being awake and not being able to vocalize why, that’s frustrating.
I’ve been feeling some anxiety lately, about… well, the usual Mama stuff, I guess. General, “am I doing it right” queries float through my head throughout the day, sometimes creeping up in those moments where I’m in bed semi-concious between REM cycles, and suddenly BOOM.
There have been more specific things bothering me, I’m not going to deny that. What those things are isn’t really important to anyone other than me, for right now, anyway. I don’t want to bother anyone with the things that make me anxious, in the fear that it might rub off. Anxiety has a way of doing that sometimes, don’t you find?
But, if things really start to eat away at me then I’ll possibly feel a bit more comfortable talking about them…
… because, we’re all still getting to know each other, aren’t we? I mean, you know a bit more about me than I, about you. Which is cool, that’s the way blogging works.
Some things though, are better left to simmer. Maybe it will boil to the surface; maybe it will settle. Time will tell.
Until then, I hope you all stick around. And right now, are all safe and warm in your beds.
As for me at this hour? I’m going to enjoy my coffee, read some online trash and wait for my family to wake up. Maybe make some pancakes.
Happy Friday, everyone.