I’m not sure how I stumbled on this video last night, but I’m convinced it was FATE.
Just because, guys, this was my show.
The fashion. The drama. The kissing…oh, the kissing.
And of course, Jordan Catalano. No need to elaborate on that one – am I right, Girls of the 90’s??
It’s hard to believe it first aired almost 20 years ago.
My So-Called Life completely CHANGED my ridiculous, adolescent life.
Twenty years. In just over half that time, Little Bee will be the age I was when I first started watching it, loving it, obsessing over it.
Angela Chase was my kindred spirit, my Soul Sister. The reason I got out of bed some mornings. Christ, I even did my HAIR like hers (with the exception of the Crimson Glow). There was something about her mouth, about the way she pouted… I so desperately wanted a pout like that! But sadly, my lame, thin lips could never live up to hers, all perfect and bow-shaped.
And that awkwardness. God, that awkwardness! Claire Danes did it so perfectly. So effortlessly… no wonder a generation of us girls related. She made me feel better about myself somehow; I didn’t feel so lost in my teen angst knowing that “she” was out there. Even though she wasn’t real.
And now, as I watch the pilot again for the first time in ages and ages, after a lifetime remembering my connection to Angela fondly…
… I find myself sympathizing with the MOTHER?!
During the discussion the parents are having in bed about why they think Angela dyed her hair, I crossed my arms and thought, “oh man, if Little Bee EVER thinks she’s going to dye her hair….”
I CROSSED MY ARMS. AND ACTUALLY GOT ANGRY THINKING ABOUT LITTLE BEE ACTING OUT AGAINST ME AS A TEENAGER.
That, guys, is super embarrassing to admit.
But… of course I can relate to the mother now, who back in the day was a loathed, evil witch of a woman (don’t worry Mom, I never thought about YOU that way).
Because now, I am a mother. I am the Mama. And for sure I’m going to be tripping out over every single, little, insignificant-yet-significant thing Little Bee does forever and ever.
Viewing from the eyes of a kid, this show changed me; it allowed me to connect with my emotions and not be ashamed to express them, which I’m convinced would have otherwise driven me mental had I kept them locked up.
And maybe… I don’t know, but… maybe, if I watch it all over, it will change me somehow as a Mom?
One thing is for sure: Little Bee better not even THINK about kissing anyone. Ever. The end.