Social Common does S-E-X.

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It was a steamy, sultry night in September…actually, it was last Tuesday and it was pretty brisk out, but since this is a SEXY post I thought I should at least leave you with the illusion that it was steamy and sultry.

Anyway, where was I.

Oh, yes. SO, it was last Tuesday, and the Badminton & Racquet Club, hidden behind a tall, hard, steel gate, lit up softly and sexily as women paraded through the doors, their sexy stilettos clicking down the hall towards the darkened, candle-lit room, where they were about to embark on a seductive journey into Social Common’s World of SEX….

*****

Okay. This isn’t working. CLEARLY I am not an erotica writer, I have no idea how to paint a sexy picture with my words. I don’t even think I could actually paint a sexy picture. Yikes. So before this post goes off the rails, let’s start from the beginning, shall we?

*****

Last Tuesday I joined a group of other brave moms at the B&R for Social Common‘s latest Speaker & Social event, Sex with Dr. Jess. I say “brave moms” because, come on. Any event where SEX is the main topic of discussion can be a bit daunting…right? (No? Just me??) The room filled up quickly with ladies dressed their best, everyone promptly making their way to the bar for a bit of liquid courage (again?…just me??). There was a buzz in the room, ladies huddled together, giggling, chatting and sipping away. I caught snippets of conversations, “what are we going to talk about?” “My husband gave me a laundry list of things to ask,” “I hear she’s going to be passing around a bag of carrots…”

Catherine and Natalie took to the mic to get the evening underway and we all took seats. Since I was covering the event, NATURALLY I sat down in the front (*COUGHPERVERTSCOUGH*) row. I had to be right up in the action, right? On the front line? Up in the gat?? This was for PROFESSIONAL purposes, people.

Courtney Henderson, a sommelier from E&J Gallo Wines opened by telling us about the wines we were all enjoying, a “charming Chardonnay” and an “elegant Cabernet Sauvignon”. She had paired those particular wines with the event because she said they were sexy and easy to drink, and I’d have to agree. They were very easy to sip on, maybe a bit too easy – I saw glasses around me going down faster than a virgin on prom night (SEX JOKE!), which I suppose is why they were the perfect choices for the evening. A little wine to loosen the lips and release those inhibitions before a discussion on SEX? Yes please!

Once we were familiar with the wine, it was time to become familiar with each other. But first, we were introduced to our guest speaker, Dr. Jessica O’Reilly. Don’t let her striking looks fool you, people – the woman is incredibly intelligent, well-spoken and a force to be reckoned with! Along with holding a PhD in sexology (yes, a real thing), Dr. Jess is an accomplished public speaker, author and television personality, currently hosting Playboy TV’s SWING, a reality show where couples get together and…well, swing!

** NOTE: If you choose to Google the show, I recommend you do it from home because it is very NSFW – unless you work in an environment where it’s totally cool to watch shows full of nudity and couples having actual sex on camera. Then by all means, Google away! **

Standing at the front, in a red dress so tight it was if it had been sewn to her body, she looked like a woman who knew SEX – her full, brown hair flowed for days, and her eyes – those EYES – how could you not be a sexologist with those exotic, “I’ve Seen It All”, almost winking eyes. Phew. Yeah dude, she’s hot. But not only is she gorgeous, she is also friendly, funny and welcoming, which are important traits for someone in her field, I’m sure. As soon as she started speaking I felt myself loosening up…not that I was uncomfortable before. What, with me sitting in pervert’s row for a discussion on all things SEX? While Social Common held their first live-feed event which my parents could have stumbled upon? Quite possibly while I was asking a perplexing question on something rather parent-unfriendly??! UNCOMFORTABLE? ME?!? No. NO, I said!

Ehem.

Once Dr. Jess had introduced herself, she passed around pieces of pink paper and asked us ladies to write down three things: Our favourite ice cream, our pet peeves about sex, and any questions we would like explored. We all gave our papers back to Dr. Jess and broke off into threesomes (heehee), encouraged to choose ladies we didn’t know yet. She then handed out the papers again, everyone getting someone else’s answers, and were asked to start a discussion about them within our groups. This was a great way to warm up the room, because really, there’s nothing that brings strangers together better than talking about other people’s sexual pet peeves! After a few minutes of excited banter, Dr. Jess opened the floor for us to read aloud some of the questions and peeves we had in front of us. There was a rainbow of different thoughts and concerns brought up, and Dr. Jess answered them all without batting an eyelash, almost as if she was answering a question on how to tie your shoe …except it was a really sexy shoe, with flavoured laces and filled with lube.

Since this event was about S-E-X, and not everyone is super comfortable reading or talking about it openly, I won’t go into great detail about the specific things discussed. I will say, however, that carrots were passed around, there were demonstrations done on said carrots, and the words “smegma” and “vaginismus” were used. Dr. Jess went into the history of human sexuality, touching on the works of Masters and Johnson, and, being that this event was targeted at us Moms, presented five case studies of women: married with children, going through various sexual stages in their lives, and all of them struggling with different desires or lack thereof. That seemed to be a running theme of the night: how moms are universally exhausted, and most struggle with sex and sexuality at some point along the way. One thing Dr. Jess made very clear was that, if this was the case for any of us, we need to stop comparing and judging ourselves, and know that the hard times will pass and we’ll get our sexual mojo back before we know it. And to ALWAYS communicate with our partners, whether it’s about what they can do to help us feel sexy, or just telling them that we need more help around the house. And maybe those things go hand-in-hand for you, in which case, two birds!!

We all left that night with the usual bag of candy, a BIG bottle of the new KY Touch 2-in-1 Warming Oil and Personal Lubricant (say that while in the throes of passion!), and some new moves to try in the privacy of our homes. And a few lucky ladies won some very…personal…prizes, too. I was not one of them, but that’s OKAY. It’s not like I was going there hoping to win anything like that anyway….

The event was a lot of fun, and it was great because not only did all of us in the room get to experience the wisdom of Dr. Jess, but the nearly 100 people who viewed via the live-feed were able to get all the benefits, too! Except for the free lube. They’ll have to buy their own (I’ve provided a link below to well.ca where you can purchase it, but as of writing this the site is showing that it’s currently sold out…which goes to show how GOOD it is!).

*****

A few days later I reached out to Dr. Jess, thanking her for the colourful evening, and asked her if she wouldn’t mind providing me with a quote for this post. Not only did she respond promptly with a quote, she provided me with some tips to share with my fellow Mamas:

If you’re struggling with sex, you’re not alone. Every single one of us will face issues related to desire and arousal at some point in time, so don’t be hard on yourself. Here are a few steps to follow when you run into a sexual snag:
1. Stop counting and comparing yourself to others. Humans are not averages and even averages are likely inaccurate because study participants are not always honest when answering questions about sex.
2. Talk to your partner. Tell him/her how you’re feeling and offer reassurance that your relationship is important and you want to work on it. Even if you don’t fully understand your own feelings or desires, communicate this lack of clarity so that s/he doesn’t have to make assumptions.
3. Ask for what you need both in and out of the bedroom. Do you need extra help in the kitchen or assistance picking the kids up from school? Do you need time alone with your girlfriends or support to explore a new interest/course? Do you want to be held more? Do you need your lover to be more/less aggressive? If so, say so. It’s a good habit to get into and the reduction in stress and (potential) resentment can work wonders for your libido.
Thanks Social Common for another fabulous event, and Dr. Jess, whose words I’m sure a whole lot of us can take to heart…and to bed.
*****
For more on Dr. Jess, visit her website: www.sexwithdrjess.com
To find out more on Social Common and to purchase a membership, visit: www.socialcommon.ca

3 thoughts on “Social Common does S-E-X.

    Anneliese said:
    October 1, 2013 at 1:47 pm

    I want to know what you did with the carrots! πŸ˜‰

      mamabettybarnes said:
      October 2, 2013 at 9:46 am

      Use your imagination, I’m sure you’ll come up with all sorts of goodies πŸ™‚

    Social Common did 2013. | I Am The Mama Mantra said:
    January 27, 2014 at 9:43 am

    […] Nanny Robina), parenting as a team (a couples event featuring Dr. Kimberly Moffit), even S-E-XΒ (with the luscious Dr. Jess O’Reilly, a legit sexologist, don’t ya know),Β not to […]

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