My name is Beth, and this is a blog I have been meaning to start for quite some time. But being a new mom, I was able to dig up excuse after excuse for putting it off:
“My daughter is colicky, I can’t put her down for one second or she’ll have a meltdown!”
“I have two thousand loads of laundry to do!”
“My husband is out of town for two days and I can’t leave the baby for one second because she is colicky!”
“I have to make dinner or we will all starve!”
“The sun is finally out so I have to go for a walk because my baby is colicky and will scream if she doesn’t get outside right NOW!”
“I have twelve thousand loads of laundry to do!”
“There is dust in that corner and I have to get rid of it NOW because my daughter is colicky and will have an epic fit if I don’t!”
“My colicky daughter is FINALLY sleeping so I have to drink this entire bottle of wine before she wakes up!”
Things here are pretty much now under control – my daughter is almost 11-months old and although is still quite strong-willed and incredibly precocious at this age, has been colic-free for a while – so I decided to stop bashing myself over the head with excuses and just SIT DOWN AND WRITE, GODDAMMIT!
I used to write all the time. I kept a blog as a creative expression for years, but stopped during a…tricky…time in my life. I started to feel lost in my mid-twenties, and to compensate, I guess, developed a deep wanderlust that kept me moving from country to country for years. I was chasing something – a dream, a boy, a sense of belonging – my emotional outlets were all tapped out, and I just didn’t have room inside to write anymore.
The end result was a HUGE build-up of angst and uncertainty about my future, so upon my final return home in the winter of 2008, I sat down at the computer again and picked-up where I left off. I returned to Blog Land, and was having a lot of fun with it. But then one stormy, winter night, I met the love of my life, and married him in 2011. Our new life got in the way, so this time though, it was the best possible distractions that kept me from writing. I was loving myself again, having a grand ol’ time with my wonderful husband, then got pregnant and had our baby girl last year. And all the while, at every new stage, which were coming like thunderbolts now, I kept hearing a voice in my head saying, “girl, you gotta start writing this shit DOWN!”
Which brings me back to the start of this post. I became the QUEEN of the excuse. Even though I desperately wanted to start writing again, there was always something, ANYTHING, keeping me from it. But then, once I started talking about it, OUT LOUD, to friends and family, about how much I missed it and really wanted to start some sort of legacy for my daughter, I felt the excuses starting to fade away. And yesterday, during a conversation with a dear, old friend, she told me to just shut up and start.
So here I am. Jumped. And it feels pretty good.
I’m not sure where this blog will take me, I’m assuming down some sort of Mommy Blog road seeing as how that’s all I know these days! Hopefully it’ll be entertaining, and that you’ll follow along with me.